Last time, we talked about accepting the fact that finding yourself again doesn’t necessarily mean getting back to the person you used to be. I want you to remember that you may never be the ‘old you’ again, but that doesn’t mean you won't like the ‘new you’ even more. I don't think that reconnecting with yourself is about becoming the same version that you remember, I think it’s about getting back to a place where you value who you are and you feel a sense of identity. Even if you don’t think you’ve ever felt those things, that’s what everyone deserves and what everyone should be striving for.
For me, everything starts with healthy routines. You should be fueling your body. You should be moving your body. You should be resting. You should be doing the things you enjoy. You should be nice to yourself. These are all routines that you can establish. They’ll look different for you than they do for everyone else, but that’s the point; they’re for you. The gym is what I think brought me back to life. It became a healthy routine; Something that was okay to schedule and do every day. It gave me structure and goals, and a place where my obsessive need to count what I was doing felt warranted. For a long time, it was the only way I felt connected to my body. Similarly, work had the same effect on me. It was a place to go every day, somewhere I was present in what I was doing and could get out of my head. What I needed was ways to escape; places where my mind wouldn't wander because I was so actively participating in what I was doing. I only realized after I got back into these routines, that these were things I had lost in my previous relationship; the gym took me away from him and I spent too much time at work. Things I had loved and lost became mine again, and they were good for me.
After I established the two major routines in my life, things slowly started to come together. Don’t get me wrong, there were months when I cried in the car to and from work and the gym every day, and then got home and cried until I could fall asleep. The routine isn’t magic, it doesn't fix you, but it helps. Working and working out brought me to healthy sleep and eating. I ate to fuel my body and to see progress. I slept because I needed rest. The essential practices were no longer an outlet to hide from what I was feeling, they were important again. I let it expand into the rest of my life; I started seeing friends and watching TV and doing all the simple things that should be so easy, but weren’t for a long time. I was eventually living a life for myself. The gym made me feel grounded, and work made me feel fulfilled, seeing my friends made me feel happy. The drive to work went back to being just a drive to work. I was a person again.
I can’t say that I have the perfect formula. It’s just what worked for me. And what works for you might look so similar or so different. But, at the end of the day, there are things that are important to you. There are things that make life not only worth living, but exciting. No matter where you are in your journey, you can find YOU.
- K
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