Before I say anything new, I want to commend anyone who has gotten through a trauma or toxic relationship and even considered dating, let alone getting to this point. It happens for all of us in our own time, and it is something to be so incredibly proud of. Today though, we are getting into the real deal. You’ve prepared yourself for a relationship. You know what you are looking for, you know your red and green flags, and you’ve started opening up!! …Now you’re in deep.
When I met my current partner, I went through the process of realizing what I wanted and needed, as well as opening up, while we were still in the stages of getting to know each other. I wasn’t looking for someone, but he seemed to just fall into my lap. There was no denying that he was perfect for me, but I was terrified when I realized what was actually happening; I had gotten myself into a relationship. We were texting constantly, seeing each other every day, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I of course admitted none of this and refused to acknowledge the fact that we were dating. I was falling for him and spent every day learning to appreciate more things about him, but was so scared at the thought of being ‘in a relationship.’
I think the biggest hurdle was labeling. He considered us to be dating significantly before I did. We didn’t have the boyfriend/girlfriend conversation, and it took me a long time to realize he saw me as his girlfriend. I very much like to have certainty in all aspects of my life, and was frustrated that we didn't have labels as we progressed or specific dates to mark milestones. It wasn't until well into our first year that I realized our relationship didn’t need any of those things. When he was ready to make me his girlfriend, I don’t think I would’ve been ready to say yes; I was still really scared in those first few months and could've potentially ruined something perfect by trying to overanalyze it.
We have communicated throughout our entire relationship and have always been confident in how we feel about each other. I now realize that we did everything perfectly, and a label shouldn’t dictate how you feel about someone or how committed you are. In all my previous relationships, I needed the reassurance of labels and dates but now that I am with someone I truly love and trust, I’m just grateful to be together. Every date is a moment to remember, every day is a celebration of being together, and we are simply just each other’s person.
Every day I spent waiting for him to stop loving me, to act like my ex, or for something to go wrong was simply met with kindness and reassurance. I realized I had been waiting for something that was never coming. We’re together, we’re a team, and we’re happy. It sounds so simple, yet seems too good to be true. I think my point is that healthy isn’t going to feel normal; it’ll push you out of your comfort zone and make you question yourself but you’ll realize that none of that stuff really matters. When you’re in a healthy and loving relationship, things just work themselves out. All those moments you want to plan will happen perfectly, everything that hurt you in the past will bring you gratitude, and all those things you’re scared of will eventually disappear.
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