The next step to growth is looking back and learning to appreciate your time in the rain… because you wouldn't be here without it. This week is about finding your voice and finding the power to speak your truth.
Knowing my journey, you may assume that I found my voice in court; I had to face what had been done to me and share my story in front of not only my abuser but also strangers. That was my story but that was not when I found my voice. I think a lot of it came in my next relationship; I had to be open, had to share what I was and wasn’t okay with, and chose to explain a lot of my hardships and insecurities that were rooted in previous trauma. Being open in my next relationship was incredibly important to me; I knew already how much I loved this person and I didn't want to let what I had previously been through hold me back. I decided the only way to do this was to tell him what I had been through and explain how those experiences made me feel in the moments with him. I learned the power of speaking and the power of sharing and started to realize the way it was shaping my relationship for the better.
A little less than a year into that relationship I came here, and rather than just speaking up for myself, I started actually sharing my story. I know it’s not for everyone but, for me, it has been the most incredible and rewarding experience. I had a lot of self-doubt when I first got out of my abusive relationship before I took the time to understand and process what had happened to me. Once I was starting to move on and had found my current healthy relationship, some of that doubt came back. What if it actually wasn't as bad as I thought? Do I actually have any reason to be upset? Was the abuse bad enough to have PTSD? Am I making it up? What if he was right and I was wrong? Once I had started to move on and suppress some of those memories, I started to feel like my lasting trauma was invalid and I told myself I was being too sensitive.
It wasn’t until I started sharing my story that I regained the confidence that my feelings were valid and that my trauma and its effects were not my fault. As I wrote, memories became more clear but recalling them became less painful. Looking back at a lot of the things I had suppressed reaffirmed for me that I was valid in my feelings. I’ve found so much clarity in writing these blogs to you, and through my journey have been able to heal things that I didn’t even know needed mending.
Last week I presented my professional portfolio. I stood in front of a room full of classmates and shared the framework of my story. What I was once ashamed of is now a part of who I am, and has showed me the change that I want to make in the world. I take pride in the places it has brought me and am forever grateful that I found my purpose. I know this may not be your purpose, but I assure you that your story sets you on the path for the person you are meant to become. No matter how you find your voice, if you share with millions or just with yourself, know that your story and how you tell it is incredibly powerful.
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